Divorced Parents Are Praised for ‘Birdnesting’ Hack That Sees Them Trading Places in Family Home To Better Care for Their Kids

A divorced mother and father have been widely praised after showcasing a unique parenting hack that sees each one taking turns staying in the family home while caring for their kids—in a bid to minimize disruption to the children’s routine.

Susan Fowler and her ex-husband, Josh, from Virginia were married for 19 years and welcomed five children together before calling it quits.

However, in lieu of following the traditional divorce route, the former couple set about implementing steps that would help their children—three of whom they adopted during the COVID-19 pandemic—maintain as much normalcy as possible.

One key step in that journey was taking on the technique of “birdnesting,” a process that sees divorced parents continuing to reside in the family home but at different times, with one parent moving in for a set period while the other moves out, thereby enabling their kids to stay in their dwelling full time.

Explaining the logic behind the hack in a now-viral video, Fowler said that, while the experience was “scary at first,” she and Josh ultimately realized that it was the best way to avoid uprooting the lives of their children—who range in age from 11 to 21.

“In [our] divorce, we decided to keep the kids in the house and have parents switch back and forth,” she noted in the video, which began with a clip of her hauling her belongings out of the family home. “Every time I pack up my stuff and haul it to the car, I’m so thankful it’s me doing this instead of the kids.

“It was scary at first, figuring out the logistics, each finding a room to rent. But it was also way cheaper than two houses big enough for six people. And our kids’ lives are far less upset than if they had two rooms, two homes,” she said in the clip.

She captioned the video, “Working through an amicable divorce means we get to think outside the box. What really works best for our family? We realized keeping the kids in their same home is a top priority.

“Also, it means that we both get to keep living here part time as well, and we don’t have to lose out on all the love and effort we’ve put into this family home.”

The social media post garnered a flood of positive reactions from people who praised the parents for putting their children first.

While speaking to Today, Fowler, who works as a photographer, noted that their kids were their primary focus as they tried to navigate this new chapter in their lives.

“We wanted consistency for our kids,” the mom of five said.

Josh, who works in advertising, echoed his ex-wife’s thoughts.

“Moving the children back and forth between two homes seemed like a terrible idea. … We thought, ‘What if everything they know and love stayed the same?’” he told the outlet

Their arrangement sees Fowler living in the family home on Mondays and Tuesdays. Josh stays in the abode on Wednesdays and Thursdays. The exes take turns staying in the home from Friday to Sunday.

To avoid any morning mishaps, the parents agreed that whoever puts the children to bed also wakes them up, while the other parent arrives at 10 a.m., after the kids go to school.

Their unique parenting technique is known as “birdnesting,” and is used to keep the burden of the divorce on the parents rather than the children, according to Custody Change.

“With five kids, keeping their schedules straight is a huge balancing act,” Fowler told Today.

The parents also noted that their wallets were enjoying the perks of the hack as well.

When she isn’t residing in the family home, Fowler lives with her best friend, while Josh lives with a roommate in a nearby town.

The couple revealed that thinking outside of the box worked for them due to their communication styles.

“We both agree that we don’t want to be married to each other. … But if we get along, we can make our kids’ lives better,” said Fowler.

“We had to learn to communicate … and make it work as friends,” Josh added. “We’re going to be in each other’s lives forever because we have kids, so why fight? There’s no need.”

Although they have been birdnesting for only a few months, Josh noted that the plan is working “perfectly.”

Still, not everyone agrees with their system, specifically Josh’s friends.

“Telling our friends and family was awkward because they couldn’t believe how supportive we were of each other. I got warnings of, ‘Just give it a month and the whole thing will turn’ and ‘You better get a good lawyer.’

“They were trying to look out for me, but it wasn’t necessary. It took a while to convince people that this is how it was going to be,” Josh revealed.

Months after beginning birdnesting, their children are adjusting to their new life.

“People say, ‘Kids are resilient,’ and my perspective is, ‘They are—but they shouldn’t have to be. Kids should not have to be resilient when it’s about something that adults can change for them,” Fowler explained.

The parents revealed that they get together once a week for lunch and discuss everything from finances, to the kids, and even personal woes so that they can keep a “united front.”

Although their hack is working for now, the parents revealed that they don’t have plans to have it continue forever.

“We don’t want to put a timeline on this. If either one of us ever decides to remarry or have a long-term relationship, those new partners will have to understand. We are always up for reevaluating,” Josh explained.

Fowler added, “We’re going with the flow. … It’s a bridge from marriage to rebuilding our own lives.”